A Christmas Story


As The cold December winds whistled through the cracks of Ebenezer Jimenez’s office window. He began to think how he dreaded this time of the year. Suddenly there was a loud screeching sound emanating outside his door. He thought to himself it must be the Grinch Winchester.

“Come in,” Ebenezer muttered in a barely audible voice. As the door opened he could see it was the Grinch Winchester she had looked older then when he hired her. The Grinch stated, “it’s that time of the year Ebenezer should I put out the Elves on a shelves to spy on the staff.” Absent-mindedly Ebenezer said, “that is the Burger meister Albetta’s job.” The Grinch looked confused which was nothing new.  Suddenly she stated, “the Burger meister Albetta has moved on to his own school.” A sad looking Ebenezer Jimenez dropped his head and quietly stated,” Oh yeah, I forgot.”

Picking up his head Ebenezer Jimenez looked at the Grinch Winchester and was startled by how much she had aged in her seven years with him. He then stated, “How come Oompa Loompa Hernandez is not here with you?” Looking nervous The Grinch Winchester replied, “He is sitting in his office with Santa Claus.” Whattttt!” shouted Ebenezer Jimenez. “Which school safety agent let Santa in without notify me.” Looking even more nervous the Grinch Winchester replied, “no one he just appeared.”

As Ebenzer walked over to his computer he explained to the Grinch that last Christmas he had hidden an Elf on the shelf in both the Burger meister Albetta’s office and Oompa Loompa Hernandez’s office. He explained to the Grinch, “that he could never trust those two.”

As Ebenezer switched on the Elf on a shelf doll its image began to appear. It was the first floor women’s bathroom. The Grinch Winchester turned and looked at Ebenezer Jimenez and stated, “I used that bathroom on a daily basis.” Ebenezer Jimenez looked at her and stated “Hubba Hubba.” With the press of another key on his keyboard Ebenezer Jimenez switched the Elf cams as he called it. Suddenly, an image of Oompa Loompa Hernandez’s office appeared. Through the speakers came the sound of Santa’s voice.

“So Oompa Loompa Hernandez why have you asked me here during my busy season.”

“Santa,” stated Oompa Loompa Hernandez, “I want to get off the naughty list.”

Suddenly Santa raised an eyebrow and asked Oompa Loompa Hernandez, “Did you hear that noise.”

“What noise,” replied Oompa Loompa Hernandez.

“Nevermind said Santa It’s an old building and I maybe hearing things.”

“Continue” said Santa.

“Santa” replied Oompa Loompa Hernandez. “I just want to get off the Naughty List like the Burger meister Albetta.”

Once again Santa hear the sound, but responded to Oompa Loompa Hernandez request. “The Burger meister Albetta got of the Naughty List,” (Santa paused more to listen for the sound then to formulate an answer.) because he finally told the truth about all his transgressions.”  Santa looked at Oompa Loompa Hernandez and said, “did that word confuse you.” With a child like look on his face Oompa Loompa Hernandez said, “Yes”

“You see Oompa Loompa Hernandez  the Burger meister Albetta was passed over for a Principal Job last year and during last Christmas Season while sitting in the first floor men’should bathroom he had called me.” stated Santa.

“When I asked him why we are meeting in a Men’s bathroom he stated. The Boy’s bathroom next door is where my rise to power began. Someone had started a fire in a trash can and according to Ebenezer Jimenez it was a heroic effort on my part.” Santa looked at Oompa Loompa Hernandez and stated “did you buy that.”

Santa continued the Burger meister Albetta’s story. “Well Santa, stated the Burger meister Albetta that was then and this is now. Ebenezer Jimenez is now targeting me. “He told the quality review that the reason the teacher’s in the history department are mainly graded developing, yet the Regent scores are high is because I have a problem with the teachers.”

” Really,” said Santa, “need I remind you of your involvement in the Silvers’ 3020a hearing or the other teacher you targeted that should remain nameless.”

Oompa Loompa Hernandez, interrupted Santa and stated, “so how did the Burger meister Albetta get off the Naughty List?”

Suddenly Santa heard the noise again. it was a familiar noise. So he slowly repeated Oompa Loompa Hernandez’s question.  “So.” no noise. “how did.” still nothing. “The Burger meister Albetta get off.” nothing. “The Naughty List.” Suddenly the noise appeared. Oompa Loompa Hernandez replied, “I heard it.”

So Santa continued to repeat the phrase, “The Naughty list, The Naughty List, The Naughty List.” at that moment Santa noticed smoke coming out of the telephone box that never worked. Santa walked over to the phone box and angrily ripped it off the wall. In the space behind the box was an Elf on the shelf doll gyrating it’s hips and repeating the phrase Hubba Hubba.

Santa raised the doll to his face an yelled, “Ebenezer Jimenez don’t go anywhere  I’m coming to your office.”

Ebenezer Jimenez jumped out of his chair so fast that it startled the Grinch Winchester. he looked at her and stated, “I’m leaving you stay here and take Santa’s wrath.”

Ebenezer raced to the hallway door and struggled to open it, but it was locked from the outside. As he turned an headed for the office side door it swung open with incredible force. It was Santa holding Oompa Loompa Hernandez by the nape of his neck.

Ebenezer Jimenez looked at Oompa Loompa Hernandez and screamed,” you traitor after all I’ve done for you!”

Santa looked at Ebenezer Jimenez and screamed, “sit down Ebenezer Jimenez! We about to have a talk about the Naughty List.” Suddenly Ebenezer Jimenez leapt from his seat and started gyrating his hips and shouting, “Hubba Hubba.”

Santa looked at Ebenezer Jimenez and shook his head. Suddenly Santa pushed Ebenezer Jimenez  back into his seat and strapped him there with a jacket of mistletoe and place a peppermint mask across his mouth. Santa then stated, Listen carefully Ebenezer Jimenez, “I am going to remove Oompa Loompa Hernandez from the Naughty List and allow him to get what he is wishing for a transfer to the Burger meister Albetta’s school.” As for the Grinch Winchester,” I will allow her to get another job somewhere.”

Now it is time for your punishment. Ebenezer Jimenez, “You will forever remain on the naughty list. You also must sit in your office alone and wallow in your misery for ever. Your final punishment is probably the cruelest of them all. You see , said Santa I was watching one of my favorite Seinfeld episodes before Oompa Loompa Hernandez and with the voice of the Soupnazi from Seinfeld Santa handed Ebenezer Jimenez his final punishment as he stated no shoe lifts for you.”






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