My Cousin Andrew

2015-03-11 21.33.30

I understand that Governor Cuomo agreed to sit down with No Name magazine for an interview. Here is an excerpt.

Interviewer: So how many times did you fail the bar exam

Governor Cuomo: I took it five times and failed it four times.

Interviewer: So I’m guessing we can call you My Cousin Andrew.

Governor Cuomo: (lacking humor) I don’t understand.

Interviewer: Really, In the movie my Cousin Vinne Joe Pesci’s character failed the bar exam five times.

Governor Cuomo: I don’t get it what’s the connection.

Interviewer: Nevermind Genius

Interviewer: Recently, the UFT president Mike Mulgrew invited you to tour a New York City public school. Why did you turn him down?

Governor Cuomo: Who is Mike Mulgrew and What is the UFT?

Interviewer: The United Federation of Teachers and Mike Mulgrew is president of that union.

Governor Cuomo: Never heard of it?

Interviewer: So recently you stated that you wanted to based teacher’s evaluations on standardized testing.

Governor Cuomo: Yes my friends at Pearsons and Eva Mosokwitz tell me it very profitable to use standardized test.

Interviewer: So let me get this straight you would based a teacher’s performance on a standardized exam because its profitable. The question is who profits off of the exam.

Governor Cuomo: Well the truth is basing teacher’s performance on a standardized test is a way of union busting. The more teacher we fire the more charter schools we can open. The more profit for hedge fund managers and the best part is we don’t have to pay teachers union wages. We can make teaching a minimum wage job.

Interviewer: Interesting. How about your presidential bid. Don’t you think the national unions like the teamsters might not support you?

Governor Cuomo: Lets be honest here my family has a lot of skeletons in the closet. My father’s chief of staff Vito Castellano had ties to organize crime his first cousin was Paul Castellano. Vito was guilty of federal tax evasion in connection with the Wedtech scandal. So basically, the sins of my father has ruin my bid for the presidency.

Interviewer: Wasn’t Paul Castellano murder in front of Sparks Steakhouse?

Governor Cuomo: Yes

Interviewer: Why is it you have chosen to visit Cuba before visiting a New York City Public School?

Governor Cuomo: One word, Mojitos

Interviewer: Why does it seem like you have a vendetta against New York’s teachers.

Governor Cuomo: Teachers are the reason I failed the bar exam four times. Now its time for them to pay.

Interviewer: So what you are basically stating Governor is that a standardized test can measure true intelligence.

Governor Cuomo: Yes

Interviewer: So based on that theory we can assume that you have limited intelligence since you failed a standardized exam four times?

Governor Cuomo: What?

Interviewer: Have you every heard the basic educational theory that Not all children learn the same?

Governor Cuomo: Huh?

Interviewer: I can see that this interview is over.

One thought on “My Cousin Andrew

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s